New Blog Title, New Meaning

Well everyone (and by everyone, I mean all 6 of you), it's been over 6 months since my last post. What can I say? My last post was just so.... um.... deep... that I couldn't figure out anything to top it?? Or, I just got bored and busy, and didn't care to write anything else. Plus, I didn't really like blogging on my fiance'/wife's laptop... so, being that she's such a sweet, awesome chick, she hooked a husband up with THIS:

MERRY CHRISTMAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Wife totally hooked it up! So, I with the wonderful gift that I have now received, it should make it a little easier to blog and keep up with the world! I'm not gonna lie.... it's a pretty sexy laptop. :)

So, on a completely different note, you're probably wondering why I changed my blog name, and address. Well, there's a couple of reasons actually:

1 - ramlingsofarandomrambler was really long, and confusing, which is probably the main reason that not many people followed my blog. Heck, I forgot the name of it sometimes, and had to go look it up in my browser history.

2 - It was time for a change in general. I really wanted to give my blog a newer, more "grown up" look. So, naturally, when someone wants to make a change, the wise thing to do is solicit the help of an expert. I just so happen to be fortunate enough to live with a blogging legend/blog layout expert. Seriously, she's the bomb at blogs, so she helped me with the new look. And by help, I mean I told her a general idea of what I wanted, and she created the awesomeness that is now my new blog! Yay

 3 - final winter has meaning. My new blog name is a reference to my first real live rock band that I played in right out of high school. We were called final winter, and we were what you would refer to as a Christian rock band who thought we were going to change the world. But, we were all like 19/20 and sucked really bad. But we had TONS of fun. The name final winter signified an attitude that we wanted to project as a band, and people in general. Winter is symbolic of cold, dreary, dark, and in some parts gloomy. But winter also is the prequel to a new beginning. It's symbolic of a new life in Christ. As new believers, we are in a spring time, and we've lived our final cold/dreary winter. We are a new creation, like fresh buds on a tree. It's new, and fresh.

We had a good time. I played rock music with 2 of my best friends in the whole world Who wouldn't love that? We didn't care how off key we were, how loud we were... We just played music we loved in a cold garage in the middle of the woods. To this day, I still wish I could go back sometimes and just hang out in that time. But, that's all part of growing up. We all moved on, got married, and lead our own lives. Still best friends, just live far away from each other.

But, we'll always have the Roxy....

My Mind's Been Goin' Through Them Changes...

It's hard to classify, and categorize "regret" in my life. There's a lot of things that I feel like I should regret, but regret insinuates an emphasis on living in the past, and I believe we should be concerned with the present. And in the present, there is a LOT to be excited about.

But I can't help but think of some stupid mistakes that I made in the past. Things that I've done to inspire people to build up walls, and shut me out. Which makes my heart sad, simply because one of the mantras I "attempt" to live by, is to be a friendly, loving, peacemaker. But I tend to be subconsciously fickle, and often re-align my priorities, and leave people on the back burner, and I don't find out that I've created emotional wounds until it's too late.

Part of this is simply the fact that I'm miss understood, and I don't have an intentionally malicious bone in my body. Seldom, if ever do I do ANYTHING to someone out of spite. In fact, the idea of this behavior is sickening. But there are a handful of people (mostly women) who would disagree, and probably (if they were to be 100% honest with you), would have some very surprising and borderline terrifying things to say about yours truly. I think my intentions are always well, but they are poorly executed, and I've left people out in the cold, without meaning too, more than I care to acknowledge, or even think about.

Of these situations, 4 of them are real heart breakers. Ones that cut me deep, and situations that, if given the opportunity, I would go back and correct some specific actions to prevent the creation of the resentment pool that I'm now forced to wade in. No matter how things are, there's nothing I can do to go back and correct things. And the sick part about it is, that if I did, I probably wouldn't be in the position that I am now to marry the woman of my dreams. It's hard to admit that the casualties of these dying/dead relationships were the building blocks to the life, and relationship I am living in now. Without having to learn hard lessons at the expense of others' emotions, I wouldn't be as equipped to face the trials of my current relationship and future marriage.

And as much as I've attempted to mend, and even surgically operate on these 4 failed friendships/relationships, it seems that the simple truth is... things change. People make choices, and move on. Sometimes, what seem like life long friendships, and connections just wither and die. It's how we're created. Part of it is my selfish ambition, and misguidance, but I can also rest the other part of the blame on the hard hearts of those on the receiving end of my foolishness. After all, I cannot, nor will I take all of the blame. At some point, people have to CHOOSE to feel hurt, or choose to look past a situation, see through it, and forgive. Some people chose to forgive on the "surface", but harbor resentment, and hide emotions, and think that I don't pick up on it. I'm smarter than that. I can't always pin point the problem, but I can ALWAYS tell when there is one no matter what. So, I take the hint, and back off.

To those 4 people, (3 of which will most likely be reading this at some point), I apologize for taking advantage of you, and your fragile hearts. I can only take partial blame, but I will carry the burden. I'm sorry, and I appreciate all of you. With your your examples as help, I will not make the same mistakes again. The woman who I am marrying is prepared to take me for who I am, and see me grow, and nurture me through my shortcomings. And I will do the same for her. She sees me the way Christ sees me, and the way you should have. No more regret, no more wondering what would have been. In the most loving way, I say to you. "What was, or could have been is dead, and buried. Rest in peace".

A List Of Other Things That I Am Looking Forward To...

Besides the obvious stuff that surrounds getting married, I'm just really looking forward to a lot of positive, and fun changes that comes with moving, and having a wife, and being stable. Here's a list of some of those things I'm really anticipating:

- Not being a couch/air mattress surfer anymore: I've been blessed with amazing friends throughout this whole dating/engagement process who have been so gracious and generous to let me stay with them. There are great benefits to that, namely, they are not charging me rent so I can save for stuff, and since I just had a job change. But I can't wait to sleep on a real bed, in a bedroom with furniture, and a gorgeous wife beside me. That's a bit better than an air mattress, laundry baskets/suitcase on the floor, and a pillow to snuggle. :)

- Football season: Cowboys are making a solid run this year. Period. AND, since the Superbowl is in Dallas this year, we are all planing to tailgate as a family no matter who's playing, because honestly, why wouldn't you do that if you only lived 20 minutes away from the super bowl?

- Road trips, and camping trips: I am long overdue for a camping trip, and Erin and I are planing to go camping for a weekend once the weather cools off! I am thrilled about this. :) We are also planning to go to the balloon fiesta in New Mexico in October.

- Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas together: Yay, Erin won't be in China this year, so we'll be able to celebrate the Holidays together for the first time! We can decorate the tree together, and wake up on Christmas morning together, and see what Santa brought. And continue our tradition of monkey bread on Christmas morning. (We did that on fake Christmas morning last year).

- Having new things: I'm not a big materialistic guy. I've always been ok with hand-me-downs and used stuff, but it'll be nice to have good, new furniture, and have a "home". Erin's really good about wanting to make our place look nice, and feel homey. I am definitely looking forward to having a woman's touch in our place. My last place where I lived alone had 2 recliners, a small tv, a book shelf, small table, and nothing on the walls. Pathetic. :)

Those are the ones I can think of now! 45 more days. :)

LOOK MAW! I CAN READ!!!

So, I'm not much of a reader. Anyone who knows me, especially my family knows, I've maybe read a total of 6 books to completion in my entire life. Most of which being a school assignment, or kids books, like The Indian in the Cupboard. I think the longest book I've ever read to completion was The Catcher In The Rye, which was a school assignment, and the only one I actually enjoyed. But even that one, took me a couple of months of sporadic reading when I could. I've never sat down, opened a book and read it without stopping. That is... until this weekend.

Erin's friend Leanne recommended a book called The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It's part of a trilogy, and Erin read it and loved it. Which I expect from Erin, because she's a bookworm, and just enjoys reading, period. She recommended the book to me, even though knowing that I don't enjoy reading much. I kinda hinted that I might give it a try at some point, but never "really" had any intention of reading it. Erin had read both books fairly quick. The 3rd one doesn't come out until the end of this summer. She is REALLY anticipating it because the second one apparently has a nasty cliffhanger. I don't know yet... I imagine I will soon. :) It's kind of humorous to think that Erin and I will most likely be fighting over who gets to read the book first. Who would have thought THAT would ever happen?

So this past Saturday, I had absolutely ZERO plans, which was kind of a first. I could have drove over to Erin's and hung out over there, and helped her around the house, but she was having a chill day as well, so we decided to save the gas. I got up kind of early, and there was a copy of The Hunger Games laying around the house. Sarah and Jen (whom I live with) were both into the books, and just finished reading them (I even think Jen read them like 4 or 5 times. She's even more of a reader than Erin). So I picked it up, and gave it a glance. I knew it was suppose to be a good book, so I figured I would read the first chapter or two and see if it was worth investing in, because I didn't have anything else to do, and I wasn't about to sit around and watch TV all day, and I didn't want to drive anywhere.

The first chapter was pretty basic. Just setting up a scene. It was intriguing enough at first. By the end of the first chapter, I was already hooked! The preview of the synopsis was brilliant, and I couldn't wait to find out what happened next. Form what I've experienced in my limited novel reading career, chapter ends/beginnings generally seem to be natural shifting points. Sort of a break in the story, almost telling you "Go ahead and put me down for a minute and go grab a soda, I'll be right here". This book was FAR from that. Each chapter end was seemingly designed to tell you "If you put me down, I will come after and kick you in the face. Now stay here, and let's finish this thing buddy"! I couldn't stop. I'd get to the last couple of paragraph's of each chapter and "think" this would be where I can stop, but the last 3 sentences just screwed me up! It was like I was being lured, just like a fish. I almost felt helpless! But who was I to care? It's not like I had anything going on.

After the third chapter, I finally decide to take a break and escape to quieter, more secluded location. I end up rushing down to the nearest coffee house (Not a Starbucks Mom, don't worry), and I buck up on the nice plus chair, and set my feet on the table. I got there about 10am. I had a small breakfast that morning, but I got really hungry around noon. I couldn't leave to go get lunch though! I even justified my hunger, and willingness to not even eat a bite the rest of the day because one of the main themes in the book was hunger, and I even felt more connected to the characters when I was reading the book completely starving. But by about 3:30-4:00, I had to go get something.

I rushed back home, and made some sammaches, and chips, and locked myself in my room until about 11pm, until I couldn't even keep my eyes open anymore. I was only 3 chapters from the end! Luckily I stopped right before the grand climax! I end up having plans on Sunday all day, but Sunday night I came home and read all but the last chapter, and finished the whole book the next morning on the way to work on the train.

I imagine that next Saturday will probably be a similar situation with the second book. We'll see. I can't wait to dig into it. I'm almost afraid to start in during the week, because I may not sleep. Hahaha. Look at me, Mr. Anti-reader finally found something he's obsessed with! This may just be the thing to turn me into a reader after all. :)

Diarrhea Of The Mouth...

If you've known me for any length of time, you probably know that I've been famous for sticking my foot in my mouth. I don't mean to do it, it just happens. Sometimes, it's no big deal. Other times, a simple misunderstanding can be a game changer.

I tend to be a bit of an over thinker. Maybe it was my childhood. Maybe it was the fact that I went through a string of bad relationships, including a marriage, and I tend to second guess everything. I've taken leaps of growth in this area of my life. But even a simple statement on my part, can alter someones perception of me, or of other people.

Now there's several specific situations (recent ones) that I could sight... but that wouldn't be very wise considering that I'm trying NOT to stick my foot in my mouth and cause any unnecessary problems. It just seems that in this area of my life, I tend to have been beating my head against the wall lately. And it's never intentional. It always comes from a good place in my heart.

I tend to not really stand up for much. So I guess in my mind, when I do take a strong, stubborn stance on something, I tend to assume that my opinion carries more weight than most people who just seem to complain about everything. I always have good/solid reasons for my stance, and it seems like the more I explain my position, and the reasoning behind it, the more I tend to spiral the conversation down until the whole thing explodes. Am I not an effective communicator? Can't my thoughts be seen for the purity, and simplicity in which they are intended? Why must people who are receiving my words only cling to certain ones, and not see the full picture of what I mean? I guess I make an effort to see to the heart of what someone is trying to say, and what they mean. There is something lost in this communication breakdown, and unfortunately, I seem to be the common denominator.

So, what's the solution? Do I keep my mouth shut, and not speak from my heart? Should I accept that some people, who are going down dangerous paths, just need to go it alone, and there's nothing I can do to stop? My intentions are to speak out of love and concern, not to rebuke a man or woman. Aren't we called to sharpen the thoughts of each other? Why must I be the one to concede to a debate, and admit that I'm the one with a narrow minded view point, when all I am doing is speaking love, and truth to someone I care for?

I always hate to admit when my Dad gives me pearls of wisdom. He's an interesting character, but he said something so simple that I already knew, but it was a gut check to me. "Sometimes you've just got to let people do what they're going to do, and be there to love them if and when they see the error of their ways". That wasn't word for word what he said, but that was the jist of it. Love people. Don't point out faults, and condemn a man for what you think is wrong. Just love on him or her, and let your love and compassion speak louder than your words. Be bold, but be gentle, and be compassionate and understanding, and pray for those around you.

The Countdown

So, it's only 65 days until me and the soon to be former Sandrick tie the knot! And boy, I'm I anxious!!! There's a lot to look forward to. Aside from spending the rest of my life with the most beautiful woman I know, there are also some great practical things that I am super stoked about!

Sharing income: This might sound selfish, but I am really looking forward to living in a double income household, especially since Erin and I are pretty similar in our spending habits, and we are actually budgeting to be OUT of debt, as oppose to going into debt like a lot of newly married couples do. Erin's the one that will be the money master. She's paying the bills, and deciding what we get to spend on what, and I get an allowance. Now, a lot of guys (or women) will tell you that they hate this idea. I LOVE IT. Simply because, I don't like dealing with money, and Erin does. She's volunteered for the job, and it works out to both of our benefit. So, I say yay. :)

Sharing a place: Erin and I have been pretty successful at being good kids throughout our dating period. We decided very early on that living together before marriage was not an option for either of us. This has taken a lot of sacrifice (mostly on my part), because we have been in several situations where living together would be very convenient. Of course the one big reason we don't live together is temptation, and just an overall lifestyle appearance. Even if I did live with her, and sleep in another room, it still gives the impression that we sleep together, which we don't. Period. Now this isn't to say that I haven't crashed on the couch at her place once in a while. But we make an effort to cut off temptation before it starts, and retire to separate sleeping quarters. And that's ok, but if I'm being honest, I haven't had the easiest time being ok with that. Erin is much more of a model of self control than I am, and I applaud her for that. I really admire her in that since. It speaks volumes to me really. But I am definitely looking forward to going to bed with my wife. :)

Taking on the masculine/feminine roles: We have already begun this process. And we've been pretty good at sticking to it. Now for those of you who aren't traditional, we are, and we believe that male/female roles were put in place for a reason; they work. Now that's not to say that we don't cross over. We are in a free relationship. Erin has embraced her role as female, and doesn't feel an obligation to do certain tasks but rather she feels a joy in serving me. She finds joy in taking care of me by paying bills, cooking, cleaning, and nesting. And in turn, I find joy in serving her, by doing things like garbage, cleaning, dishes, rubbing her feet, etc... We have found a balance to fulfil one another in those roles, and it's beautiful. :) I'm looking forward to doing it as husband and wife.

Entertaining guests: Right now, living separately, we're not really set up to have people over, and entertain. But our new place will be PERFECT for such a thing. We really want to have house guests, and dinner parties, and game nights. And we want to have them frequently. Our new place will be pretty centrally located, and closer to a lot of our friends. We want our place to always be a place where people can come, relax, eat good food, have a cold drink, and laugh. We believe in providing that for our friends, family, and neighbors. It's something that we plan on investing our time and money into, because it's what we really enjoy! :)

So, those are some things that I'm personally excited about. I'm sure Erin has her version. This woman and I are doing it right I believe. We have a lot to be thankful for, and we are most definitely blessed.

The Proposal!

How we got engaged

Well, it all started back in January. I was trying to think of a perfect engagement for Erin. I knew at this point that I definitely wanted to marry this woman, and I wanted to give her a fairy tale engagement. Something that was personal, romantic, and a story.

It wasn't very hard to think of a great idea, especially since I knew what she "didn't" want. I knew she didn't want something public, or in front of people. I also knew she didn't want her ring in food, and she didn't want an over the top proposal, especially at a sporting event. But this woman LOVES sports, namely football, namely the Steelers.

Now, I'm not much of a Steelers fan. I'm a die hard Cowboys fan, and I also hold a slight grudge against the Steelers from when they stole the Superbowl from my home town team, The Seattle Seahawks. It's something I make known to Erin often, and she hates it. But for the most part, we agree to disagree, and we just enjoy watching football together period.

So, since we both have passion for football, I wanted to give her an engagement related to what she loved. About that time, we had bought tickets to visit her parents, who live in Pittsburgh, in May. Now, I had told Erin that I would not propose to her until I met her folks, and more specifically, until I got the go ahead from her Dad.

I had it in my head to propose to Erin in Pittsburgh while we were visiting. I thought how perfect it would be to propose to her on the field of Heinz field, where the Steelers play. I don't care for the Steelers obviously, but that's not the point. The point was, to give her a perfect engagement that meant a lot to her, and showed thought and sacrifice on my part. That's the only thing that's acceptable for my beautiful woman. She deserves nothing less.

I knew it was a long shot, but just out of curiosity, I looked up the number for tours, and gave them a call. I knew when we would be in Pittsburgh. I ended up talking to a lady named Maria, who was in charge of tours. I explained to her what I had in mind, and I kinda didn't think it would happen. I didn't even know they'd be open. She was like "Sure, we can definitely make that happen"! "Really?" I said! I couldn't believe it. Maria and I bounced some ideas around and we settled on being able to go down to the field right before a private tour. It was perfect.

Maria just told me to keep in touch ahead of time. I ended up getting the ring for Erin at the end of February, and BOY was it tough to keep THAT a secret! It was killing me. There were several times I remember, where I wanted to pull it out and propose to her, but I kept that promise in the back of my mind. It was tough for me to wait until May, but it was the best thing I could do to honor her, and her family.

Fast forward to May. We head to Pittsburgh. I had snuck the ring in my carry on bag, and tucked it into a secret pocket, just in case my bag opened somehow and stuff fell out. When we got to Pittsburgh, we hung out with her family a bit, and then Erin and her Mom went out shopping. I was nervous, but since I was at the house all alone with her Dad and brother, I figured this may be the only chance I get before Monday (which is when I had the tour set up) to sit down and get his permission. Her Dad, brother and I stepped out on the back porch, and I told them that I had a gift for them. I pulled out 3 nice big stogies that I bought a couple of weeks prior. They were pleased. We sat on the porch in the sunny weather, and lit the cigars, and drank some Iron City Beer.

At this point I knew I was going to ask them, but I didn't really know how to bring it into conversation without seeming too presumptuous. So, I just let it out. "So... Dan... What do you think about me wanting to marry your daughter"? He paused, and had a slight smirk. He thought for a moment, and said "Well.... I'm very impressed that you thought enough to wait and talk to us." At that point him, Brian (her brother) and I had a heart to heart. This conversation was very special, and will stay between the 3 of us men. But at the end, I received their blessing, and I was go for launch.

That was Saturday night. Let's just say that Sunday was a LONG day. When I went to bed Sunday night, I could hardly sleep I was so excited. When I woke up the next morning, Erin and I had some coffee and breakfast. I was very fidgety. At one point, Erin even commented on it. I was a nervous wreck. I wasn't afraid that she would say no, I was just afraid that it wouldn't work out the way I wanted it to, with the plans, and times.

We had to be there at 11:30am, and Erin and I had already planned on spending the day in Pittsburgh. I kind of let her take the lead in plans, but dropped hints to make sure that we'd be down by the stadiums around the right time. We left about 10am, and got stuck in traffic. I was panicking on the inside, but didn't lead on. Erin was even getting frustrated. I was like, "Honey, it's no big deal, we're not on a schedule" But I was terrified.

We ended up down by the stadium at 11:25, which was PERFECT. I had already knew where to go, but I played dumb for Erin's benefit. After all, she had no clue that I had been planning this for almost 5 months. When we turned on to Art Rooney Ave, she saw a sign that said something about tours. She said "Aw honey, they do tours here! We should see how much they cost." "Sure", I said, "we'll check it out, why not".. We parked, and walked over to the Coca-Cola great hall entrance.

Erin was walking a step behind me. When we got to the gate, I told the guard that I had arrangements with Maria and Gary for a private tour. Erin had a confused look on her face at this point. Which was perfect. "Surprise" I said. "We have a private tour set up" She said something to the effect of "I had a feeling your were up to something". Indeed I was, but she still had no clue what was coming.

We met Gary there, and Erin stepped away to use the restroom. "Good, we can talk now" said Gary. I smiled. He said that a gentleman named Josh was going to take us down to the field. When Erin came back, Josh played it off perfectly, as to not give anything away. He said "Hey, since there's a break in the rain, and the tour isn't for another 20 minutes, do you guys want to go see the field"? We were like, "SURE", why not eh? :)

We walked to the field. I was trembling at this point. It was the big moment. When we got down there, Erin's eyes were gazing all over the field, while I was plotting the point of attack. I was holding her hand, and leading her towards the field, kind of pulling her. She was kind of hesitating because she was looking around. "Why are you in such a hurry hun"? I didn't say anything at first.

I looked at her, and said, "This is it, Sandrick". "Huh"? She said. I got down on one knee, and looked up at her? She had a HUGE smile on her face. "You're doing it now?? At my favorite place ever?" I pulled the ring box out of my left pocket, and I said, "Erin, you know I don't care for the Steelers much, but I love you. Will you be my wife"? Before I could even finish my sentence, she said, with a ginormous grin, "Of course, Yes yes!" I put the ring on her finger, and got back up, to give her a huge hug and planted a kiss on her face, while happy tears filled our eyes!! I will always remember that smile she had for the rest of my life.

We went back over to Josh, our tour guide who was standing about 50 feet away. He congratulated us, and then took our picture! After that, we went on the tour. We walked around like a couple of teenagers. My fiance and I enjoyed our tour. We were both ecstatic. After the tour, we got in the car and drove up to the strip district, and had a late lunch at a little hole in thew wall Italian place called Bella Notte.This place was perfect. It had pictures all over the wall, and a big guy tossing pizza dough in the back! We split some hoagies, and called everyone we knew to share the news!!

And the rest is history.