I'm 30 years old. I've lived most of my life wanting to be in good standing with my fellow man. This being people I have relationships with, family, co-workers, friends of friends, etc.. I've always valued myself as a person who goes out of my way to make people feel comfortable, and accepted. I haven't always succeeded, but I've tried. So much to the point where this act of "people pleasing" morphed into a twisted idol in my life. I care what people think purely for selfish reasons. It's less about the comfort of those around me, and more about how I'm perceived. I want people to focus on my talents, my accomplishments, and my ability to raise myself up and be awesome. IDOLATRY! I want to be the center of attention, I want sympathy, I want compliments, and when I get compliments, I want to shoot them down because then it makes me seem humble, and if people see me as humble, then they'll like me more! It's a downward spiral, and it leads to death. So much so that it has ruined relationships, friendships, family relationships, etc... I care too much. I want to worship the thought of being worshiped by outsiders.
I've only started recently coming to terms with this. I've been exposed to the depravity in my soul. My efforts have been in vein. Because there is one far greater than me who deserves the praise that I've fought for. Jesus. Plain and simple. Nothing fancy about it. He's the answer, I'm not. What's by problem? An absence of Jesus present in my life. I fight His goodness everyday because in my heart, I want the glory, I want the sympathy, I want to be a victim so people can lay their worshipful offering of pity down at my feet. My sinful nature craves this. Idolatry. Foolishness!
I read a good article on boundless.org pertaining to this topic:
"What is it that shame-fear and rejection-fear have in common? To use a biblical image, they both indicate that people are our favorite idol. We exalt them and their perceived power above God. We worship them as ones who have God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like ability to "fill" us with esteem, love, admiration, acceptance, respect, and other psychological desires (rejection-fear).... Like all idols, people are created things, not the Creator (Rom. 1:25), and they do not deserve our worship. They are worshipped because we perceive that they have power to give us something. We think they can bless us".
My desire for acceptance is sin. My need for compassion and validation is sin. The answer is Jesus. Such a simple concept. The more I love Jesus by his grace and mercy alone, the less appealing my sin becomes. Whatever the sin. Fighting sin is not about behaving differently, or stopping A, B, and C... It's about loving Jesus more and more. He's perfect. I'm not. My answer is him.
And you know what....? If that bothers you, your issue is not with me, it's with him. The most loving thing I can do is point you away from me, and to him. I will fail you. You will fail me. He will not fail anyone.
