Fear Of Man

I'm 30 years old. I've lived most of my life wanting to be in good standing with my fellow man. This being people I have relationships with, family, co-workers, friends of friends, etc.. I've always valued myself as a person who goes out of my way to make people feel comfortable, and accepted. I haven't always succeeded, but I've tried. So much to the point where this act of "people pleasing" morphed into a twisted idol in my life. I care what people think purely for selfish reasons. It's less about the comfort of those around me, and more about how I'm perceived. I want people to focus on my talents, my accomplishments, and my ability to raise myself up and be awesome. IDOLATRY! I want to be the center of attention, I want sympathy, I want compliments, and when I get compliments, I want to shoot them down because then it makes me seem humble, and if people see me as humble, then they'll like me more! It's a downward spiral, and it leads to death. So much so that it has ruined relationships, friendships, family relationships, etc... I care too much. I want to worship the thought of being worshiped by outsiders.

I've only started recently coming to terms with this. I've been exposed to the depravity in my soul. My efforts have been in vein. Because there is one far greater than me who deserves the praise that I've fought for. Jesus. Plain and simple. Nothing fancy about it. He's the answer, I'm not. What's by problem? An absence of Jesus present in my life. I fight His goodness everyday because in my heart, I want the glory, I want the sympathy, I want to be a victim so people can lay their worshipful offering of pity down at my feet. My sinful nature craves this. Idolatry. Foolishness!

I read a good article on boundless.org pertaining to this topic:

"What is it that shame-fear and rejection-fear have in common? To use a biblical image, they both indicate that people are our favorite idol. We exalt them and their perceived power above God. We worship them as ones who have God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like ability to "fill" us with esteem, love, admiration, acceptance, respect, and other psychological desires (rejection-fear).... Like all idols, people are created things, not the Creator (Rom. 1:25), and they do not deserve our worship. They are worshipped because we perceive that they have power to give us something. We think they can bless us".

My desire for acceptance is sin. My need for compassion and validation is sin. The answer is Jesus. Such a simple concept. The more I love Jesus by his grace and mercy alone, the less appealing my sin becomes. Whatever the sin. Fighting sin is not about behaving differently, or stopping A, B, and C... It's about loving Jesus more and more. He's perfect. I'm not. My answer is him.

And you know what....? If that bothers you, your issue is not with me, it's with him. The most loving thing I can do is point you away from me, and to him. I will fail you. You will fail me. He will not fail anyone.

2011 IN REVIEW

2012 is almost here! Which means that 2011 is almost a distant memory. It's hard to believe how fast this year went. It seems that so much has happened in so little time. 2011 has been the first year in quite a while where I've found some stability and balance in my life. I'm very grateful for that. I'm healthy, in love with a wonderful wife, have a great (although impatient at times) family, a wonderful Church family, a stable career, money in savings, debt dwindling down, and a lot to look forward to in the coming years. Here's a list of 2011 highlights in no particular order:

- We painted pottery for Erin's birthday. Sadly, the place closed down. :(
- I rooted for the Steelers in the Superbowl because I love my wife, who roots for the Cowboys... who weren't in the Superbowl. :(
- We moved! Got a nice place with less rent just north of downtown Dallas.
- I joined a gym and have lost 60 lbs, and still going. It's been a significant lifestyle change, and a great one!
- Got closer to a good group of friends from Church, and have a wonderful inner circle of people. :)
- We became covenant members of our church and started serving communion as well as membership class table leaders.
- We bought a new car!
- Found a few fun new hangouts near our place. Top Golf, Gordon Biersch, and Trinity Hall Irish Pub.
- We took a trip to Seattle. It was Erin's first time in the Pacific North West!
- Erin tried pineapple again. And I had an amazing laugh at her expense. :)

- Had a romantic weekend in San Antonio.
- Was at American Airlines Center with Erin, Pop, and Niesie when the Dallas Mavericks won the NBA championship!
- Celebrated 4th of July with some old friends.
- We threw a fiesta at our place!
- We celebrated our 1 year anniversaryy at the same hotel we stayed at on our wedding night.
- I went to visit my dear friends Mandy and Eric in Memphis to meet their new son Ben.
- Celebrated my brother in-laws wedding, and gained a new sister in-law!
- Erin photographed her first wedding!
- We had our first big fight as a married couple, and worked through it and are closer than before.
- Deleted my facebook, then undeleted it, then deleted it again, then undeleted it and spend limited time on it.
- We had an nontraditional yet relaxing Thanksgiving.
- I turned 30.
- Started serving with a great ministry called Breakdown. Read about them. Great work is being done.
- Celebrated Advent at our church.
- We had a nice family Christmas a week early, and a wonderful Ukrainian Christmas Eve with close friends.

That's the highlights. I'm sure I'm forgetting something. There's a lot to be thankful for this year. I'm very happy that I've been blessed as much as I have. It seems like the last year flew by so fast that I didn't have time to enjoy it. But as I look back on the highlights of the year, I really did enjoy every bit of it. :) As much as a good year 2011 was, I am very optimistic for the next year. I sense big changes on the horizon. I'm looking forward to growth, and change, and fun moments. That is of course, only up until December 21... then we're all gonna DIE!!!!!! :)

The Golden Voice

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past week, by now you've probably heard of Ted Williams. "The man with the golden voice". Ted was a homeless man, who had been panhandling for years. He has a talent that's very unique, and one that got him overnight international recognition. Here's Ted's full interview on the Today show. This video sums it up best:

 

The thing that instantly struck me about this guy was his humility. Even in the very first video that was shot by the Columbus Dispatch reporter, he was just so humble and gracious. He had a kindness in his eyes. Even how this guy just carries himself in these interviews, he's like a child. He has an innocence, and gentleness about him. I believe that this is the perfect work of God. 

This man's whole story, and his rise to fame overnight is just saturated with the Gospel. He is a flawed, sinful man with a checkered past, with bondage, and regrets, and he's put himself and his family through pain and misery, and STILL, he's received favor. That's how God works. God meets us where we are. Ted doesn't "deserve" anything he has received this past week. Teds actions didn't earn him anything. But, because of his submission to "A God of his own understanding", and the fact that God softened his heart enough to make him grateful for what he had, even as a poor person, God has seen it fit to rise him up. 

I think of 1 Peter 5:6 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time". There's no doubt that God has done a big work through this man. Ted might not even realize the implications of his whole rise to instant fame. The hope that God has given TONS of homeless people, and poor people who are battling addiction, and poverty. God's given those people a voice, and a direction. As well as inspiration to millions of people who are perfectly well off. If you've seen this story, and it's captured you in any way, don't tell me that you won't have different types of thoughts the next time you encounter a pan handler on the streets. Hopefully Ted's story will help soften some hearts. Maybe it won't. But I believe that Ted's story was, and is fabricated by a perfect God who knows exactly what he's doing. And I believe that he will see Ted through.

Beer, Glorious Beer!

I love beer. How wonderful this creation! When I say beer, I don't mean the watered down, pale, moose urine that college kids and rednecks drink. I mean good, wholesome, brewed to perfection BEER. The kind with flavor, and body. Not the kind you drink to get drunk. I'm talking about the fine beers. The kind you sip, and let dance in your mouth as you enjoy it slowly.

                                                                         credit

Knowing my passion for good quality beer, my brother-in-law gave me a beer brewing kit for Christmas. I've always flirted with the idea of brewing my own beer, but quite frankly, found the idea of it pretty intimidating. Brian (my bro in law) has brewed many batches of beer, as well as my Dad. So, I have some good success stories to go off of. So, I gave it a shot, and we'll see how it goes...

When brewing beer, there's a couple of things that are vital to making a successful batch. #1 is patience. Once you get the batch together, boil the sugar booster, mix the wort, add in the yeast, and top the barrel (total brewer lingo. hehe), it still takes about 2 weeks to ferment, and then once you bottle it, it takes another 2-3 weeks before it's ready to drink. Patience is key. #2 Constant temprature, and a dark place to store your brew where it will not be exposed to direct sunlight. I chose the top shelf of our coat closet. There's not even a light in there, and it's close to our bedroom. That area stays pretty dark almost all of the time. So, it should do nicely. I started the brew today, so I will bottle it 2 Sundays from today, and then decide what I'd like to do next!

My Pop and I are talking about brewing my next batch together. We want to get real creative and brew something kind of off the wall. Like, a brown ale, lots of flavor, but not as sweet as Newcastle. But not bitter either. Pop was telling me that when he used to brew, he experimented with ginger root, a some seasonings. At some point, I want to do a batch and incorporate a coffee flavor. This first batch I have now, is just a pale ale. It's a good starter. I'm definitely looking forward to giving it a try! I'll blog about the results. But for now, we wait....

My Wife, The Country Music Sensation...?

Did you know that my wife is a country music hit? Here's a short clip of her new hit single. Inspired by the Christmas hit, "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer", here's Erin singing "My Wife Ran Off With The Marlboro Man". Instant classic!

Christmas at the Slays'!

Well, Merry Christmas a day late! My wife and I had such a wonderful day together yesterday, and I would love to share a little about it!

Can I first just say how blessed we are? Erin and I are so grateful that we are healthy (well, mostly in Erin's case), able to live in a wonderful place, work for a wonderful company, and have loving friends and family. We are grateful that the Lord has blessed and given so much to such selfish and undeserving people. It baffles me sometimes, and I am also grateful that the Lord's greatness is well beyond my human comprehension.

With that being said, Erin and I were blessed enough to give and receive some wonderful gifts for Christmas this year. We spent Christmas morning at home with just the two of us. It was lovely. We woke up at around 7am. I have to admit, I was more the antsy one. I wanted to open gifts right away, and Erin was the one who was like, "hey, make some coffee first, we have all morning". And she was right.

Here are some of the awesome gifts that I received: Erin got a killer deal on a laptop, which I showed you in my last post. LOVE this thing. It's totally awesome. She also got me 3 great t-shirts! I was totally in need of new t-shirts, because my old cool ones all had holes in them. I got a Goonies shirt, a Star Wars shirt, and a Green Eggs and Ham shirt. She also got me seasons 6,7, and 8 of Seinfeld. A new wallet because I was in desperate need of a new one. I've had the same wallet since high school, and it was literally falling apart. She got me some Nautica cologne. It smells really nice. And I also got some really fun stocking stuffers, like a balloon helicopter, a yo-yo, some candy, some cofee, and a slinky!

Also....

I have killer in-laws!! My parents-in-law got me the drill and bit set. Funny story: I opened the bit set first not knowing any better... And I was like... oh... cool... that's a nice set. Not knowing that the actual drill got mixed in to Erin's presents. HAHA. Needless to say, I was super grateful because I've been wanting one for a while!! And my bro in law Brian, and his fiance June got me the beer kit!! I think I'm going to tear into that puppy next weekend. It's gonna be aweome.

 One of the funniest gifts is what my Mom, Em, and Robbie got us. Pictured to your right is "The Night Before Christmas". Not exactly the "funniest" book ever written. BUT, the cool thing about this version is the recorded commentary from my Mom, sis and step-dad. It's a book that you can record your voice for each page! And we always used to read this book Christmas Eve before bedtime. Well, a couple of years ago, Em and I were both at Mom's on Christmas Eve, and let's just say that Mommy got her money's worth that night. We desecrated this book with our "humorous observations" of said story. So, basically Mom, and Em tried to re-create that, and send it as a Christmas gift. I nearly threw up from laughter. :)

I got Erin a Kindle for Christmas! She loves it, and she's hardly stopped reading it since. I also got her a whole bunch of other things which I'm sure she'll tell you about on her blog.

Needless to say, it was a fun Christmas! I loved just hanging with my wife on Christmas day. It was nice and chill.



The end. :)

New Blog Title, New Meaning

Well everyone (and by everyone, I mean all 6 of you), it's been over 6 months since my last post. What can I say? My last post was just so.... um.... deep... that I couldn't figure out anything to top it?? Or, I just got bored and busy, and didn't care to write anything else. Plus, I didn't really like blogging on my fiance'/wife's laptop... so, being that she's such a sweet, awesome chick, she hooked a husband up with THIS:

MERRY CHRISTMAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Wife totally hooked it up! So, I with the wonderful gift that I have now received, it should make it a little easier to blog and keep up with the world! I'm not gonna lie.... it's a pretty sexy laptop. :)

So, on a completely different note, you're probably wondering why I changed my blog name, and address. Well, there's a couple of reasons actually:

1 - ramlingsofarandomrambler was really long, and confusing, which is probably the main reason that not many people followed my blog. Heck, I forgot the name of it sometimes, and had to go look it up in my browser history.

2 - It was time for a change in general. I really wanted to give my blog a newer, more "grown up" look. So, naturally, when someone wants to make a change, the wise thing to do is solicit the help of an expert. I just so happen to be fortunate enough to live with a blogging legend/blog layout expert. Seriously, she's the bomb at blogs, so she helped me with the new look. And by help, I mean I told her a general idea of what I wanted, and she created the awesomeness that is now my new blog! Yay

 3 - final winter has meaning. My new blog name is a reference to my first real live rock band that I played in right out of high school. We were called final winter, and we were what you would refer to as a Christian rock band who thought we were going to change the world. But, we were all like 19/20 and sucked really bad. But we had TONS of fun. The name final winter signified an attitude that we wanted to project as a band, and people in general. Winter is symbolic of cold, dreary, dark, and in some parts gloomy. But winter also is the prequel to a new beginning. It's symbolic of a new life in Christ. As new believers, we are in a spring time, and we've lived our final cold/dreary winter. We are a new creation, like fresh buds on a tree. It's new, and fresh.

We had a good time. I played rock music with 2 of my best friends in the whole world Who wouldn't love that? We didn't care how off key we were, how loud we were... We just played music we loved in a cold garage in the middle of the woods. To this day, I still wish I could go back sometimes and just hang out in that time. But, that's all part of growing up. We all moved on, got married, and lead our own lives. Still best friends, just live far away from each other.

But, we'll always have the Roxy....